saturday, december 30

a quick trip to santa barbara

etting up the coast on a whim, the family and I traveled north on Thursday to Santa Barbara. My sister-in-law and her family had just gotten back from a three week vacation to Hawaii and The Philippines. And so the two sisters wanted to get together.

sensory mood: relaxed music: stravinsky cuisine: hodge-podge

On the way up we listened to the entire Beatles "1" CD (yes, again), some English Choir music, Stravinsky's Petrushka and Rite of Spring, Emerson, Lake and Palmer - Live on the King Biscuit Flower Hour (a semi-rare CD), Pachelbel Canon, Beethoven's 5th and 7th Symphonies, some Baroque Trumpet Concertos, and The Beatles - Let It Be CD... enough music for a 4 hour trip. And the weather was warm and sunny. I almost felt guilty enjoying the fine weather, being that a large of the country was hit with a major ice storm and without power!

As usual, my sister-in-law said that it was way too hot and humid in the Philipppines. The latest trend there is for actors and actresses to run for and get elected to government posts. This trend may have inadvertently been started by Ronald Reagon, who knows. But it seems to be a reality in the Philippines. The current president is Joseph Estrada, another former actor turned politician. And now the people are trying to impeach him... good luck! In a country like the Philippines, it most likely will not happen... but you never know. Look what happened to President Ferdinand Marcos in the 1980's... "people power" could rise again.

And the Filipino peso has really been losing its value lately. It's currently 1:50, one U.S. dollar is equivalent to 50 Filipino pesos. And it could get worse. People are saying that it's impossible to take your money out of the country. I guess that's the government's way of making sure foreign investments aren't leaving the country and draining the Philippine economy. Well, it's still a mess there as always. And with an actor-turned-president who pretty much spends most of his time gambling and partying at night and sleeping by day, it's no wondering nothing's being done about the economic problems. Well, those are just silly rumors floating around about the president. What can I say. All government leaders get criticized for one thing or another. But in President Estrada's case, I'm sure at least some of the rumors are true if the people are intent on impeaching him.

It's been relaxing the last few days after Christmas. I'm just waiting for the New Year's celebrations. Last year I spent New Year's at home with the family, the first time in like eight years. It seems every year prior I'd been playing in a band for New Year's. I guess I wanted to stay home just in case all hell broke loose because of the millenium thing. Two years prior, I played one of the best New Year's gigs of my life at Disney World. The "mouse" flew my family out there and gave us free passes to the theme parks and lodgings in one of their nicer resort hotels. They treated us like rockstars! And we performed at the Indiana Jones Amphitheatre and the backdrop was Cairo, Egypt! I didn't have to bring my drums. They had everything set up for me. We ended up spending a total of 4 days. And the pay was really great too. I don't know if I'll get a better gig like that New Year's eve celebration at Disney World.

Anyway, here we are... moving on into the year 2001. It's hard to believe we've actually reached 2001. I remember watching 2001: A Space Odyssey when I was a kid, thinking that the year 2001 would be a long ways away. And here were ARE! Hard to believe but we've made it. And this time the New Year's eve gig will be in a little Italian restaurant tucked away in the heart of Rancho Bernardo. It won't be anything like Disney World, but it'll be a nice little celebration just the same. I guess that's how it is in the music business. Success doesn't last forever for most musician and entertainers, but the idea is to enjoy what you do just the same, regardless of the situation.

So right now we've just gotten back from Santa Barbara, resting up before my gig tonight at the Juke Joint. It's been a while since I've played, and I'm looking forward to tonight.

thursday, december 28

when someone dies

Look at every path closely and deliberately, then ask yourself this crucial question: Does this path have a heart? If it does, then the path is good. If it doesn't, it is of no use.
---Carlos Castaneda

oday I found out that the lead vocalist in my band wouldn't be able to perform with us this coming Saturday at the Juke Joint. His mother passed away on December 23rd and he would be leaving tomorrow on a plane bound for Chicago to attend the funeral.

sensory mood: mournful music: beethoven cuisine: filipino

I was greatly saddened by his loss. And it made me think about death in general, and that none of us can escape this inevitable, approaching end. And for that, I always try to live my life from day to day.

I remember reading something in one of Carlos Castaneda's books, how he mentioned that Death was like a phantom always hovering behind you, ready to tap you on the shoulder when it's your time.

Just the other day, someone gunned down seven co-workers just outside of Boston. And I thought to myself, we are sort of helpless. It could've been anyone. It could've been me. So, I was reading that one of the victims was a receptionist and I said to myself, "WHY?". What did she do to deserve that? What does anyone do for that matter to deserve having their precious lives taken away from them, bringing tragedy to loved ones?

I bought another religious candle from a nearby store last night. I lit the candle and said a few prayers for our lead singer's Mother. To lose your own mother is a tragic thing. To lose a loved one is a tragic thing. I also said a prayer for the victims of the recent shooting, and also for the victims' families. Such a tragedy, and sadly this happens more and more nowadays. I wish there was an answer.

I remember years ago, when a lone gunman casually walked into a McDonald's Restaurant and opened fire into an innocent crowd of people. I think twenty-one died that day. I remember where I was when I found out about it. I was in an elevator downtown when someone told us the news. Everyone in the elevator gasped in horror, and then we were all quiet, not really knowing how to comprehend it. It was a mutual sense of sadness.

And looking at the photos of that tragic McDonald's massacre, the one picture that is forever burned into my memory is the one of the little boy as he lay dead alongside his bicycle just outside the doors. And I think that if it were one of my boys, I just wouldn't know if I could handle that without totally losing it. Such a tragedy, such a senseless waste of lives and human suffering. And all because one man sought to blame others (innocent victims) rather than to search for an answer within himself.

wednesday, december 27

the gate to all mystery

He who knows he has enough is rich,
perseverance is a sign of will power,
he who stays where he is endures,
to die but not perish is to be eternally present.
from the Tao Te Ching

y fascination with Chinese culture has always been with me since my teens, when I would burn incense, sip tea, meditate and buy various items from the local Chinese Imports store. And along with decorating my room with Chinese lanterns, I also studied Chinese Kung Fu for a bit during high school. So, you could say that my interest in China has been somewhat consistent over the years.

sensory mood: mystical music: from kundun cuisine: filipino

My wife and I saw Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon last night. It's a great movie and I highly recommend it, but we had to endure an hour long wait in the cold evening air just to see it. And it seemed like everyone else had the same idea too.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon opened exclusively at the Hillcrest Cinemas here in San Diego, so this was the only local theater where you could see the movie.

I really enjoyed this epic tale set in the Ching Dynasty, not so much that it's a martial arts movie, but the fact that it's also a love story. It's more of a period fantasy, so it really has to be approached with a certain openess in order to fully appreciate it. The martial arts sequences are pretty incredible, with fighters flying over rooftops and through the trees. If anything, I found the movie very spiritual, mystical and seemingly based on ancient folklore. And the fight scenes, performed mainly by the two leading ladies in the movie, were amazing. To top it off, the movie is visually stunning, full of imagery with an attention to details, which is expected from director Ang Lee (The Ice Storm, Eat Drink Man Woman, Sense and Sensibility).

Anyway, it's one of those movies that is a must-see in the theaters. You don't need to wait till it comes out on video and DVD.

monday, december 25

Merry Christmas!!!

o all of my faithful readers: Thanks for visiting this page frequently for "the scoop" on what's been happening in my life. In other words, thanks for being regular readers. I really and truly appreciate it.

I've been updating this weblog/journal pretty consistently for the past six months. Now that's a lot of blogging for anyone maintaining one of these things. Just check my archives to see the volumes of writings that have transpired since the time I officially started back in June.

I'm sure that those of you doing the same thing can look back at your own archives and say, "Jeez, that's a lot of water under the bridge", and who has the time to read all that!

It'll be interesting to see just how long we can maintain our weblog/journals. No one can predict the future, and we'll see how it goes. But I'm confident I'll be able to keep it going for a very long time.

Anyway, in closing, I would like to extend my well wishes to everyone out there, and a very, merry Christmas to all!

sunday, december 24

Christmas: 2000

"I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing, through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, keep your chest out, keep your head up and handle it."
---Tupac Shakur

hristmas is upon us. I woke up late this morning and actually fell out of bed. Luckily, I didn't hurt myself. We had to return DVD rentals and search for an optometry shop that was open on Christmas Eve. After my wife had called several places through the yellow pages, we found that the nearest Walmart had an optometry shop.

sensory mood: reflective music: christmas carols cuisine: salmon and soup

I feel like I'm coming down with a cold or something. But definitely, I'm feeling pretty down.

Actually, I had some pretty strange dreams last night that involved Cami's family and my family. There was a lot to the dream which I can't recall, but the basic storyline was that we were all going to the video store to rent videos and DVDs, we were all driving in separate vehicles. One group thought I was in the other vehicle, and vice versa. And somehow I was left behind! And the last thing I remember was that I was roaming the streets not knowing where to go, totally lost. And then I woke up.

So, the dream sort of set the confusing mood I was in when I woke up.

Now, I met Cami once when she saw my band play at Borders, but I don't know her family at all. Now I was reading her journal last night and that's what probably put her and her family into my dream. I usually never remember my dreams, so this was a pretty significant experience for me and deserved a place in today's entry.

Anyway, we were in Walmart at the optometry shop, and I was just hanging out, sitting in this chair and watching the people go by. It was pretty interesting, seeing all the different types of people passing by, especially in a place like Walmart.

We later went to the nearest Starbucks so that I could "wake up" and "smell the coffee", so to speak. Now we're going to attend our first Christmas party in an hour, and then I'm going to rush off to Valentino's to play another gig... yes, I'm working on Christmas Eve, but I'll be back by 11:30pm and probably will take my wife and kids to midnight service.

all alone in the fog

"Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart."
---Confucious

n the way home from Valentino's, I had to drive through a thick blanket of fog. And it was strange and eerie, driving through that fog as my mind reflected on the gig, and some other thoughts that had been swirling around in my head.

sensory mood: in deep thought music: beethoven cuisine: pizza

I sort of felt like a tortured soul tonight. I don't know why. And although I felt like I played one of my better gigs, somehow, something was missing. And I had been afraid that my decision to change careers would affect my performance, my attitude toward the music.

My life has gone through a complete turnaround in less than two years. For a while opportunities were seemingly handed to me on a silver platter. And now those opportunities are gone, and it's a continuous struggle just to stay above water.

On the way home in the fog, I was thinking... am I in despair? I don't know. For what is the true measure of despair?

* * *
As I finally parked the SUV in its usual spot in front of the house, I noticed that the fog had lifted, and the moon and the stars were shining bright. I continued to look up in awe at the beauty of the night time sky. It was so beautiful I could have cried. I wanted to, but I guess within me I was already crying.

And gazing into the beauty of the night time sky, I realized that at that very moment, someone in this world would die, and someone would be born.

Life goes on...

I know my own days here on Earth are numbered, but I realized that at least for the moment, I was gazing into the infinite. And it was a great feeling.

And my sorrow was lifted briefly. And my mind was clear. For I realized that each day is a blessing, given to us by that which is infinite.

And I also realized that if I can truly live my life one day at a time, then I can truly appreciate that gift which is my life.