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saturday, november 4
I'm just at home resting up before tonight's performance at the Juke Joint Cafe. My wife's not going to be there tonight, for which I'm bummed. But she's tired from all the hoopla today with soccer and karate, birthday parties, etc.
I'm really feeling tired, and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm going to get through the night. Historically, we've had our best shows at the Juke Joint Cafe... something about the "ambience" and the "acoustics" that sets it apart from other venues. Which is great for jazz musicians.
Anyway, I DO feel like playing tonight. Only I wish I was more rested. It's a more demanding audience in that they really go there to listen to your every note. But that's how it is with jazz clubs, and I'll be fine. I've played situations where I'm dead tired and somehow come up with one of my better performances. Hope that happens tonight.
4:12 PM
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I got home from L.A. around 4am. The substitute bassist did an exceptional job for just walking in without a rehearsal, without looking at the music beforehand. And he played in all the right styles and had a lot of energy. What more can you ask for. I thanked him many times last night for bailing us out of a jam. And he's more than willing to do it again if he has another night off.
1:33 PM
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friday, november 3
I'm
outta here, man!!!
4:28 PM
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Becky has an inspirational story to tell about her younger brother.
4:27 PM
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Loobylu has some neat stuff to purchasehere, and I think I'll come back later when I get the chance and buy a mug. It's cool looking.
4:22 PM
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Brad Pitt Named Sexiest Man Alive, Again??? Hmm... do you all agree with this? I like Bradd Pitt, the actor... I just saw "Seven Years in Tibet" again, but Bradd Pitt, the heartthrob...?
4:19 PM
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I'm envious of Will, who gets to travel to the homeland tomorrow (the PI), and then to Hong Kong. Nice, man!
4:17 PM
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Pat has some great photos on his site. He's in NYC right now. The Times Square photos are cool.
4:15 PM
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I'm going to be here tonight in L.A.
But I'm feeling rather exhausted right now. I didn't sleep very well last night for obvious reasons. Wish me luck, as I try to muster up enough will power and adrenaline to get me through the 2 1/2 hour drive to the gig, play the 4 hours, and then get home around 3:30 or 4 in the morning. I must think like a warrior. I feel like I'm coming down with something but I have to be up for it. There's no calling in sick in this profession!
4:12 PM
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Well, today feels like ground zero, or day one of the aftermath...
So, I'm feeling "dead", like a zombie with no life, no energy... I don't even feel like going up to L.A. tonight to play drums. Well, I'm sure when I get there I'll feel much better.
An old acquaintance emailed me. He heard about the gig in L.A. and asked me to put him and his girlfriend on the guest list tonight. I said, "Sure, man! If I can remember to do that. I'll try to put a string on my finger or something. Or if I forget have them get me and I'll make sure you get in as my guests." I always like having people on the guest list. And it's been a while since anyone had asked, so... no prob!
Kaycee emailed me this morning concerning my last entry. Thank you so much, Kaycee. Her email was like a bright, fresh spring morning. I really needed that perspective... and I WILL hold on to my dreams... I'm not beaten, yet... and I'll be the warrior like you are... that's very inspirational... to be a warrior. (btw, Kaycee --- luv those nebulae pix)
I called the college this morning, the one where I used to study computer science... no biggy, it's a community college and I wanted to get together with a counselor there so I made an appointment. I had only one or two classes left to finish a two year stint there, before music sidetracked me and I was too busy gigging around town. At that time I was working during the day at the Savings and Loan and going to school at nights.
I miss logging on to the school's mainframe from my house and working on my COBOL programs. There was no World Wide Web back then and all us computer geeks logged on to BBS's, Telnet, school mainframes and such. Of course, things have changed so much in 10 years.
C has always been my favorite programming language. And I had completed the Intermediate C Class with an A and the highest score in the class. Geez, that was such a competitive class, all these young hotshots with their laptops... showing off their shareware programs and stuff... but it was fun being competitive. There was this young kid who was number 2 to me, and his dream was to program playstation games and such... he just might be doing that right now... but the only reason I had the highest points in the class was because I did ALL of the extra credit assignments (sneaky eh?) And I beat the kid by about 5 points!!! That kid was good, but I beat him! (hehe)
I'd been playing piano at home, everyday for the last few weeks. Even more so than practicing on the drums. The piano was my first instrument, and I'd been playing since age 5. My whole family is musical, but they don't find a music career financially practical, only good for a hobby. But I was definitely the most gifted and talented amongst my siblings. I got bored with piano when I was around 9 and switched over to drums when I saw Buddy Rich performing on the Tonight Show late one night (past my bedtime of course).
The only thing I really liked about piano lessons was that I had a beautiful Japanese woman for a teacher (how lucky can a kid get). She was too lenient on me, I wish she would've pushed me harder. She was kind and would give me hugs after I finished a piece, even if I made a lot of mistakes. I since have forgotten my piano teacher's name, but I'll never forget her kindness.
Well, I've realized that writing here is good therapy for me. So I'll keep doing this... I have to get ready for tonight's gig in L.A. and I have to warm up a bit on the drums. So, more later...
1:39 PM
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the tide and its sorrows
Just when I thought I was beginning to get a handle on things, the roof falls in again.
All in all, it's been a terrible week for me. I tried to maintain my composure, and then things had gotten worse. I guess Murphy's Law is intact, it's truth undeniably hurts.
My wife and I got into a terrible fight last night... and the main topic was what I had been doing for the last 20 years? I'd always been struggling to make some success out of a musical career. That's something that's in my blood. Unfortunately, I've always had jobs that just got me by, only until I could get on a stage to play some music. And now I think the dream is over...
It looks like I've been given an ultimatum. And my struggles as a musician are going to end very soon. It was good while it lasted, and I have what I held in my mind as achievements. Not everyone gets an opportunity to play a drum solo at Disneyland or Disney World and gets enthusiastic cheers and applause. Not everyone gets to witness a standing ovation at Croce's Top Hat for an outstanding drum solo that even left ME in tears. But I guess the tide has turned. I realize that perhaps this type of success can't last forever. And one has to come down from that cloud of illusion sometime.
Music...
I feel this utter sense of disillusionment. That something I hold so dearly in my heart and know and love... it's just an illusion, a dream that many chase and never fulfill...
The reality that music is just a fantasy really sinks in... Have I been a fool all this time? Like someone else had mentioned in a journal somewhere... now I think I too AM broken...
The life of a musician is such a struggle, a sacrifice. But I always thought I had that hope, that maybe one day I'd make my mark. And I've seen many of my colleagues fall by the wayside. At least I thought they did. For as I watched them get married and raise a family, they left behind their dreams of making it in music for a nice, comfortable, secure lifestyle. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with this. But now I guess it is my turn, and I must again change careers to meet the demands of my life. And as I left corporate America to fulfill a dream I had several years before, now I must switch gears and the music, the drumming will be silent, except for what is in my heart.
And it's as though something has died within me. Something is now lost. I feel lost... where else can I turn?
Perhaps I should have given up back when I was a teenager. I remember the night... I was so enthusiastic and proud of my new band back then. And an older cousin came to see me perform, and she had brought all her friends with her to see me. After the first set I was walking around, mingling during the break. And my cousin came up to me and started yelling, "Your band sounds terrible! I want my money back!" And I was speechless, as the crowd of people gathered around to witness this public humiliation... perhaps I should have learned my lesson back then... maybe she was right. I've denied it all this time, and now I feel she was right all along.
What have I been doing with my life?
I'm such a fool... such a fool...
So, now I must again try to pick up the pieces of what once were my dreams.
[ I remember one night... oh, about 11 years ago... an old friend of mine called me because her band needed a drummer badly, and that their regular drummer was sick. You see, I had given up on music before, realizing that there was no money in it. I was certain that my hopes of making it back then were pretty low, and so I had gone back to school to study computer science. But that night, I loaded up my drums in the car and went down to the nightclub to do an old friend a favor.
That's when I realized that I had missed playing the drums so much. That I had a natural talent for it. And my old friend kept saying, "You got it, Carlos!" Don't ever stop playing... and soon after that, word got around town that I was playing again, and it started things rolling again for me. ]
Now, I think the tide has rolled out to sea again. And it's time to wrap things up once more. I think I've realized that a chapter in my life has come to a close. I'm a family man and must assume the role for my family. No more out-of-town road trips and nights away from the family.
It's time to get back to reality. The dream is over...
12:05 AM
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thursday, november 2
Not much going on with me as far as blogging. But I've been busy working on the band's website today, trying to clean up the HTML and improve on the look. So check it out at: www.uptownboys.com and let me know what you think...
5:00 PM
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I'm hoping Kaycee is feeling much better today. I noticed she had this epic post on her blog today, so she must be feeling pretty good to write such an epic novel... way to go, Kaycee!!!!
[ and after actually reading Kaycee's entry ]
So I read the entire entry just now... whoa, Kaycee... that's a lot to experience for a young lady your age.... I don't know what to say other than... you were right in your decisions, and that guy needed some serious help. Too bad his parents blame you... that sucks... but they're totally wrong for thinking that way, totally... and you acted accordingly and I know you know that... poor guy, though... and although it's sad, people shouldn't be blamed for what someone DID to THEMSELVES.
1:02 AM
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Whoa! This is a nice photo of a little Kaycee! Thanks for sharing this one Debbie and the funny & cute, yet touching story behind the photo.
12:59 AM
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and the band plays on
Here's a photo of most of the band at our last Juke Joint gig. My wife and two sons were there and my oldest son snapped this pic. Missing in action is saxophonist Lee Elderton. Boy do I look totally surprised!
The Juke Joint is such a cool place to hang out. Near the corner of Fourth Avenue and K Street, it's located near the heart of the old Gaslamp Quarter District in downtown San Diego. Just around the corner is the Old Spaghetti Factory, and next door is Dick's Last Resort.
The food is great... southern style cuisine, as in gumbo, southern-style fried chicken, spicy meatloaf, greens, honeyed yams and garlic mashed potatoes... hmm... I'm getting hungry just thinking about it... and the band gets to eat FREE!!!!
12:43 AM
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wednesday, november 1
the art of aging gracefully
feeling: elated to find two bass players who will perform our two gigs this weekend!!!
wondering: what it would be like to have Cami's cyber-celebrity status.
realizing: that I'm getting old (after my youngest son beat me in one-on-one soccer today)
"Life is filled with changes. In this world, we should not
be concerned about what we lose or gain. Actually, if we
have peace of mind, if we can work, and if we can enjoy
what we have, then we are fortunate."
--Master Cheng Yen
First off, I'm so relieved to have found two bass players to cover for our regular guy. I'd made dozens of phone calls today, calling all the bass players in San Diego, literally. What was cool was the fact that each of these guys gave me more numbers to call, and so it was like this daisy chain that sent me through the entire network of bass players around town.
So, now we are cool so far.
It's been a hectic day for me, and I'd been feeling rather sluggish today. And I'm thinking that it's been the time change and all. Usually, in the past it would take me about a week to recover from the Daylight Savings time change. I know, it's just me... I'm sensitive to things like this, and today I had to take two short naps for some strange reason.
I read a quote that Winston Churchill believed in taking an afternoon nap. He felt that it extended the day. Instead of one day, it's as if we have one and a half days when we take an afternoon nap. Other cultures do this as the norm, as say Mexico and the Latin American countries. Spain also observes this "siesta" time, and it makes perfect sense... a good way to extend the day.
My youngest son beat me in a game of one-on-one soccer. Afterwards, I was gasping for breath, it was rather embarrassing. Some teenage kid nearby made the comment, "so, your son's giving you quite a workout, eh?" *Teenagers can be so cruel* Just wait till he gets to be my age, that's what I silently say to all young people that seem to revel in their youth and make fun of the "elderly" like moi. Just wait till you get to be my age, you'll see... I honestly feel that I'd be in worse shape if I weren't still drumming and lugging my drums all over Southern California. I feel I'll be drumming for the rest of my life. I just can't give it up. And besides, I still get compliments regarding my youthful appearance in relation to my actual age. Geez, 8 years from now I'm going to be 50! Hard to believe... where has the time gone? But I still feel like 20... well, maybe more like 30.
Anyway, that's my current goal... to really get back in shape again. I've started running again and just getting into the habit of running every day. The band is planning for a few short tours next year. Hopefully we can get it together. The first one would just be a trip up the west coast and back down again, maybe going through Las Vegas too.
I think I'm ready to get back on the road again. It's been a couple of years already since I've been regularly doing that. So, now's the time to plan for the Spring of 2001. Wouldn't it be nice to do weekly stints in Caesar's Palace like we did a few years ago. But I'm my own agent now and have to lay down the groundwork. Hopefully next year... Caesar's Palace treats the musicians like rockstars over there, and all of the food is free for musicians!
Anyways, I'm not getting older, I'm getting better... I just keep telling myself that and I'll be just fine. At least until the next young whipper snapper says I'm over-the-hill!
6:53 PM
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tuesday, october 31
Okay, now. If you like Peanuts, you'll find this one kinda cute.
9:38 PM
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Halloween Festivities
Okay, the whole neighborhood seems lit up like a Christmas tree. Funny how they also have x-mas type lights, but they're orange and purple and green.
I just got back from walking the kids around our neighborhood, which is fortunately enclosed, so it's easy. And everyone knows each other. It's cool. There was this one house that had their garage open, but you had to get your candies by going through these thick streamers, not knowing what's on the other side. Well, on the other side is a witch, and there's a bush, and it comes to life and scares the kids. Of course it's just the husband in a plant suit.
Some of the homes just had a sign with a big bowl of candy, saying take what you need. That's nice to be trusted that way. I doubt that people here will take the whole bowl with them. We did that too for a little while because we were all out trick or treating.
Well, Halloween is pretty cool this year. I can hear kids screaming in the distance, so that means it must be pretty successful this year.
7:19 PM
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ghost stories and hauntings
Here's a fitting entry for Halloween...
One night, while surfing the web, I decided to check out some of the ghost sites and came upon the Shadowlands Ghosts and Hauntings site.
I know, if you don't believe in ghosts why bother, right? Well, the thing is I believe in them and have had a few experiences of my own. But I was so fascinated with all the stories (and there are a couple thousand here) that people sent in... I ended up reading many of them into the wee hours of the morning. And of course I was scared and spooked out after reading them. Maybe I was afraid to go to sleep!
Anyway, check it out! Hope you enjoy the stories and are able to get to sleep all at the same time...
5:15 PM
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Well, at this point in time, I'm putting all my dilemmas aside and concentrate on Halloween. The "witching hour" is getting real close and I must get ready. Soccer practice was cancelled today. And we might as well skip Karate. After all, it's Halloween... muwa hahahaha....
4:48 PM
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the saga continues
Actually, I'm quite cool, calm and collected... when I should be sweating bullets because of my dilemma. It happens... I know it's all about attitude and perspective. I've been in situations like this before.
Funny thing, one of the bassists I called thought the pay was too low for the Saturday gig, and I thought to myself, well, I know this guy isn't one of the better bassists in town because he's not working that night. Working musicians usually know who the busy players in town are, and if you're not continually working, how would you justify getting paid more? What if I hired this guy and he didn't do a great job? Yet he wanted to be paid above and beyond what the best players in town get anyway? Hmmm... food for thought!
2:34 PM
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finding a substitute
Boy, I'm really stressing out here. I just found out our regular bassist can't get out of his Forever Plaid gigs, and HIS three substitute bassists all have gigs this Friday and Saturday. I'm stuck without a bassist! Well, I have a list of names to call...
Anybody out there know of any upright bassists in the San Diego area? Help me Obi-Wan-Kenobi, you're my only hope! This bassist must be able to swing hard and be an exceptional reader (sight-reading involved)...
2:01 PM
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a little diversion
Just now I was messing around with this yo-yo I found lying around the house. Jeez, this reminds me so much of my childhood, back when yo-yo's were "the rage". This particular yo-yo was sent to us compliments of Time Warner Cable, the folks delivering cable modem access to my home. And the yo-yo has the Time Warner logo on it. Cool!
Well, time to get back to work. But it was a nice little diversion while it lasted.
12:28 PM
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monday, october 30
[ blogging at the public library ]
The temperatures in San Diego have definitely dropped considerably. Cami mentions this in her journal as well. The nights are a bit chilly... perfect for getting into the Halloween spirit... unless, of course, it rains. And I don't think I've ever experienced rain on a Halloween night. It's always been cold and dry.
Every Halloween I look forward to watching It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!. I never get tired of this classic Peanuts tale.
My two boys are all ready to go for tomorrow night. We've got tons of candy for the onslaught of trick-or-treaters. I think I'm just going to wear my Alien-Reaper costume from last year. Although last year I scared the b'jeesus out of this one little girl. I have this very scary, hideous mask... and I would open the door very quickly and scream. All the kids seemed okay with this, except for the one little girl whom I had to run after in order to explain to her that it was just a costume. Of course, by then I had my mask off. Her parents understood totally, but I felt so bad about the whole thing. That maybe I contributed to her getting nightmares or something.
So, I'll go easy on the kids this year. No reason to "scar" any of them for life by scaring the living daylights out of them.
7:51 PM
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I didn't want to leave my buddy Pat out of the mix, so I wanted to insert his quote originally said by his grandpa:
People are no damned good
Of course, Pat goes on to explain that a lot of people match this quote, but at the same time he's glad a lot of people don't.
I'm sure he was referring to my story from last week about the school teacher who sadistically and wrongfully disciplined me in the first grade. Of course, I've put that incident behind me, but I still remember it quite well. I guess everyone's human and at the same time possessed with the possibility of doing wrong, or to fall from grace.
The hardest thing for any person to do is forgive... "to forgive is divine" they say. But, to err is human! Hmmm... more thoughts to ponder.
God bless the saints of the world.
2:59 PM
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random quotes
Sorry folks, but I'm feeling the symptoms of writer's block again! A convenient excuse would be to blame it on the fact that we had to change our clocks back one hour... y'know, the Daylight Savings Time thing that Arizona doesn't observe! Or do they?
Well, since I can't really think of anything to say right now, I thought I would feature some admirable quotes from my fellow writers on the web:
becky:
...dressing up my child to look like a scoop of orange sherbet just doesn't appeal to me. I'd like people to hug him, not bite into him.
cami:
Am I a bit sensitive? Yes. But it is only because I care.
cyn:
kiss me
till i'm black and blue
as long as our sun
may shine
and our shy moon
follow faithfully
a quick silvery step behind
love me
till i'm sore and bruised
an eternity does not exist
if you are mine
then i am yours
to claim
please do persist
---Cyn
glenda:
...you don't choose who you fall in love with, and who will fall in love with you. and definitely not when the event will occur. it just happens.
Heather:
Sometimes you wish that you could just reach out and embrace someone. Sometimes geography makes it impossible.
Joe's sentimental favorite:
But...
I shouldn't think of her so much,
But I do.
I shouldn't smile at her dainty touch,
But her charm carries me away in a hot air
Balloon.
I wouldn't jeopardize what she has built,
Never cause any hurt or pain,
But without her, my mood shows blue, like
A long cold walk in the storming rain.
I shouldn't desire the warmth of her smile,
Her hypnotic presence,
But the magic hit so suddenly, so fresh, so
New.
I shouldn't love her.
But I do!
---Daryl Harper
Kaycee:
No one is beneath me, no one is above me. I've learned from everyone. To embrace life you can't have tunnel vision. To be a pioneer you only have to have a vision of making things better, then set out to accomplish it.
9:30 AM
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sunday, october 29
More interesting search words for today, taken from my referrer logs:
WINONA+RYDER+PING-PONG
THICH+NHAT_HAHN+SAN+DIEGO
6:45 PM
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Interesting search words for today:
STARBUCKS+CAFE+MOCHA
LIVE+WIRE+SAN+DIEGO
CRIPS+AND+BLOODS+PHOTOS+PICS
LIVING+IN+SAN+DIEGO
12:21 PM
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